I take medication, eat well, exercise and meditate but that dark cloud can come over me at any time despite all of this.
Recently my mood became so bleak due to different life stressors that I attempted to take my own life. I don’t think I wanted to die per say, I just wanted my head to stop!
Thakfully I was lucky and my aunt found me in time. Physically I was fine but my head, a mess.
As I spoke out to those around me who love and support me, I realised I should have done so sooner, I am now receiving counselling and have had my meds reviewed.
One of the triggers for my episode was that my dog Ziggy had become very unwell, at one point we thought that we might lose him. Since the day we adopted him, this boy has been my best friend, my go to guy for everything and the thought of losing him was unbearable.
Thankfully and miraculously Zig made a full recovery.
That morning when I tried to take my life, both my boys never left my side whilst waiting on the paramedics to come. Ziggy, even though he’s not back to full strength in his paws yet, managed to jump on to my bed, which is very high up and lay beside me.
Zane sat right at my back, he could not have got any closer to me!
In the days following, both boys watched me very closely and did not leave my side for long.
Thankfully, I managed to get back to work, out and about with my doggy gang.
The most fabulous of my customers were amazing and completely understood my situation and the fact that unfortunately I also had an unreliable member of staff who did not turn up whilst I was unwell, so had to let my precious pups down.
Sadly some dispensed of my services, stating that they needed someone more reliable.
Sad but true, yes I did have to let people down in my hour of desperation, however in ten years of business I had never experienced anything like the low that I felt that day.
This did mean that I’ve had to restructure my business, from now on I will be doing all of the dog walking myself, no one else will ever get near my doggy gang, nor will I ever be employing anyone again.
Taking on animal handlers for me was a necessity due to having 2 young children, however it was also stressful, time consuming, expensive and ultimately damaging to not only my business and reputation but also to my own health.
With the help of my amazing Aunt, Gran, Husband and Son’s nursery, we have now managed to find a way forward so I can get back to doing what I love most and that is being with my doggy gang.
When my mood is low, there is nothing better than a slobbery lick, a fluffy cuddle or a walk in nature with crazy dogs to lift me up.
I am so grateful to those who have supported me, stayed loyal and remembered all the hard work and attention that I have given their dogs over the years, as this not only gives me a confidence boost but being able to spend time with the gang, much more saves my life.
Being self employed is tough as there is no one to fall back on when times are tough and customers just want a service.
In today’s society there is little loyalty and short memories, therefore when the proverbial hits the fan people just move on without a seconds thought for the person or the family behind the business, not to mention the upset and distress to their dogs having to move handler and find new friends through no fault of their own.
Dogs are definitely man’s best friend and the most wonderful animals, if you are feeling low or suffer from depression or anxiety, I could not recommend a furry companion highly enough.
Also please, please don’t suffer in silence seek help, be it from a friend, relative or medical professional. These feelings do pass and tomorrow is a new day.
Lots of slobbery kisses and furry cuddles will help, I am testament to that!
See you on the next blog,